My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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