Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize