I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize