I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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