I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize