does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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