R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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