i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize