She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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