It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize