my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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