Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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