I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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