it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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