Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize