I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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