a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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