I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize