Less talking, more tequila
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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