Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize