I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize