Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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