That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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