Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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