I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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