but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We had sex on a dog bed..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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