Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize