I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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