census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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