i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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