You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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