Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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