Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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