I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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