before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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