i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize