I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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