I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
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You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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