ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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