i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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