i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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