Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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