If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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