I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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