I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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