I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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