What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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