My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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