I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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