I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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